Chapter 1: BackBiter

WARNING: ZADR! Contains violence, bad bad words, and icky adult humor and situations. Fluff, LEMON, ZimxDib

Chapter 1: Backbiter
Zim and Dib enter a new year of high school only to be teamed up together.

*Ksh* *Ksh*............... *Ksh*

Leaves calmly glide along the chilly November sidewalk with every soft winter breeze.
Hands move cautiously and quickly to retrieve strands of hair that had fallen and tangled with the cold metal
glasses of a crouching raven haired boy.

"He's up to something."

Another breeze swept by as his binoculars peered through an obviously fake bush and
into the window of an odd purple house carelessly squeezed between two dirty
neighboring houses.

"I just know it."

The boy peers in closer, watching intently.
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"Stupid humans and there....tradition things! Smeets could accomplish so much more in a single earth day then
a humans entire life. I'm amazed this planet managed to thrive for so long."

The green skinned creature grinned as the light from his computer monitor stretched across his face.
The room was small, and oh so purple with the only light coming from the large monitor.

"Mmmm.... The death of their species is so close I can taste it."

He leaned forward, grabbing the sides of the monitor and quickly, in a circular motion, licks the screen
displaying a still image of a school.

"A new year begins." He grinned evilly as a small robot with blue eyes popped up behind him.

"You wan sum naaaachooooos! I got sum naaachoooooooos," it screams overjoyed.

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*R-R-R-R-R-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-G-G-G-G!*

"Zim." A confident voice came from behind.

The green boy turned around and eyed his enemy from across the schools sidewalk.

"I suppose you've done your research of how to fit into a new age group, am I right?"
The boy in black smirked as he adjusted his glasses.
He wore a long trench coat, black knee high boots, tight pants and a light blue shirt with a,
not so happy, happy face logo. His hair was shaved on the sides and only one large lock was
suspended over the rest of his messy raven hair.

"And what if I have? They've have failed to notice after all these years haven't they?"
The green boy in a strange pink outfit held his gloved hands to the side, standing proud and as tall as he could,
only managing to reach his peak of 4 feet 3 inches.

"And you've failed to notice, after all these years, that all your plans to destroy earth have failed miserably.
Maybe your species isn't so great after all. Seeing as how all you've managed to accomplish is a growing distaste
for normal food. OH! And how could I forget your fear of a little rain water?" His voice became a harsh whisper as he
teased his foe.

Zims eyes quickly sharpened and his fists clenched on either side of him. His heart became rapid and he bit his
bottom lip, holding back the urge to beat the humans face in.

"You would be wise to quiet yourself, Dib-monkey. There's no getting rid of your unfortunate end."

Dib chuckled slightly. He walked next to Zim and stood for just a moment, towering over him at 5 foot 7 inches.

"I'll be keeping my eye on you, Zim. Don't ever forget that. As soon as you drop your guard, ill stop you."

"Better watch your spine, Dib. Cuz' ill break it." Zim clenched his teeth.

"You mean watch my back?"

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Never mind."

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"SWEET! It's meatloaf and corn dog day," screamed a very excited student.

"We definitely have a better lunch menu this year." Another kid stated, literally eating whats in front of him
including the tray.

Students were scrambling everywhere with energy. Most pushing to sit next to there friends, all chit-chatting
about there summer vacation. The seniors grouped up in there cliques all competing to act more adult then the others.
The freshmen could hardly be spotted throughout the large room as most were in trashcans, or quietly shoved in there lockers.
Girls were giggling at who was hot and who was not while the goths sat in the corner
glaring at anyone looking in there direction. Only freshman were foolish enough to look in there eyes.

Dib shook his had at all the nonsense and instead chose to stare hard, grinning, as Zim persisted to pursue the same
'poke the goop in the tray in front of you' routine as he had done every year previously.


"You need therepy."

"What? No I don't." Dib scowled at his little sisters remark.

Even as a freshman, and still the quiet, violent, video-game crazed freak, gaz was already well liked. Atleast,
more-so then Dib. She had matured quite well over the years. Straight A's, never in a bad crowd, even had gotten
accepted into her college of choice. Flaws and all she was still the perfect daughter.

"You spend every moment in an unhealthy obsession over a stupid disease ridden classmate.
You dont see anything wrong with that?" Gaz stuffed her face with a large spoon full of meatloaf drenched in ketchup.
She swallowed and continued.

"The kid barely grew and you sit there mocking and harrassing him. Go back to hunting bigfoot or chasing ghost hippos.
Atleast back then you were out of the house all the time." She took another large spoon full.

Dib had suddenly lost his appetite and pushed his tray to the side, staring down at the tables, oddly clean, surface.
'Since when did gaz care? And shes never spoken to me this much before. Is she really growing up' he thought to himself.

"Your not possessed or anything are you?"

His question was immediatly met with a quick smack to the back of the head where his face kindly met the table.
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Dib rubbed the still fresh bruise on his forehead while walking to his last class.

"God. I hate health class." He grunted and sat in the seat displaying his name on a tag of paper.

Zim marched in proudly. Sitting in his assigned seat two desks to Dibs right.
He glanced at dib, with the obvious expression that he wasn't particularly happy having to sit so near.

Dib shrugged it off and peered out the window, watching a family picking up there daughter from her first day of
kindergarden at the school just accross the street.

'Lucky kid.'

He sighed heavily as class began.

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"Jeez. A whole month of school over with and I don't feel any bit smarter."
Dib clasped his hands behind his head, trying to keep a steady walking pace with his sister beside him.

"And your blaming the school," Gaz scoffed.

Dib turned into his classroom and Gaz continued down the busy hall. He slumped in his seat, resting his head on his desk,
trying to find any reason to stay awake and pay attention.
Students began piling in one by one just seconds before the bell.

'Everyone seems so busy.' He thought.
He could hear the girls talking about past sleepovers, the jocks were going over there last game practices. Nerds role playing
only god knows what and trading secrets on how to level up.

Dib sat up and reach into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper.

                              To Do
         -attach spy bug to Girs head
         -clean room
         -send in zims alien photos
         -Mysterious mysteries @ 9

He crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it to the corner of his desk while reminding himself to throw it away after class.

"Wow." Was all he could say.

"Attention class!" A girl with short brown hair stood up from her desk.
"My parents are going out of town for the weekend and I have decided to throw a little Christmas party!"
She straightened put her skirt and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Dib sighed heavily. He had always found Jamie to be attractive but his one attempt to ask her out ended in complete humiliation.
He turned to look out the window as she continued.

"After class me and my girls will put a sticker on your locker if you've been invited. So make sure to dress your best.
Presents are optional but please refrain from dressing like Santa. No one wants to eat in front of a fat man."
She sat back down in her seat in a proper position, high fiving her best friend behind her.

'What a bitch.' Dib thought while staring open mouthed at her comment.

"Ok, thank you for that Jamie." The teacher stood up from her large desk and put on her glasses..

"Today we will-...................... what is it zim?"

Zim lowered his hand.

"What is this........party?"

..................................Akward silence filled the room.

Zim patiantly waited for an answer only to receive the class bursting with laughter and taunts.

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"Welcome home son!" The two robotic parents loomed in the doorway. Being shoved aside Zim stomped in,
slammed the door, and threw his small wig to the ground.

"GIR!" he screamed while removing his gooey false eye lenses.

Gir zipped infront of him in salute.

"Yes, my master."

"Today was awful. I have a headache so I don't feel like doing anything today.
MY TALLEST! Humans are such discusting creatures.. and they all smell of.... smells... smelly smells...
smells that smell.............not.......good....." He held his head low and slumped over to the pink couch.

"MASTER! IT'S GOT YOU!" Gir shrieked in horror as he pointed to Zims back.

"Huh?" He began to twist around as much as possible. Seeing nothing he hopped off the couch and
reached his hand back, pulling off a peice of paper.

"Kick me?"

Gir skipped over and kicked Zims backside.
Zim glared angrily at his innocently smiling robot minion.
He stood lost in thought, half furious and half very much confused. What was the point of these earth games?

"Zim does not want to be kicked!" he proclaimed.

Clenching the paper in his fists he stormed to blue trashcan in his bathroom kitchen.

"I WILL FIND YOU!"

He climbed into the trashcan and disapeared into the secret lower levels of his strange house.

"GIR!" zims voice muffled through the house.

"IM STUCK!"

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"Settle down class." The gray haired elderly woman appearing to be in her late 50's gave an annoyed look
as she tapped her foot impatiently.

"There is not much time left today so I will only go over this once. You have a three day weekend
due to some maintenance the building will be doing on Monday."

"YAAAAAYY!!!" the class screamed in unison.

"But-"

"Aaaawwwwww..." The class slumped back to there seats.

"You will be put into groups for your weekend project." She grabs her clipboard off her desk and begins to read the front page.

"The theme is the physical effects various situations have on the human body. Group one, Terry, Kel, Stacy, and Micheal.
Your topic is injury and trauma. Group two, Missy, Bobby, Kyle, and Crystal. Your topic is pregnancy."

"Aww! Come on!"

"Hush bobby." The teacher glared for a second. Then returned to her clipboard.

"Group three, Dib, Fae, Keef, and Zim. Your topic is Emotions."

The redheaded goth girl Fae raised her hand.

"What is it?" The teacher asked with absolutely no sign of enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Im going out of town this weekend."

"Well then, you get an F and your team will have to suffer without you."

Another akward silence filled the room.

"Kay." Fae grabs her backpack and walks out the class.

The teacher continues for what seems like hours before the final bell rings and the students push
and shove there way out the door.

"So..... It appears we'll be chillin together for the weekend," Dib says with a cruel tone.

"You humans and your chili." Replies Zim with distaste.

"Hey Dib, Hey Zim. Oh i'm so happy to be working with you! The three of us, a team."
Keef puts his arms around Zim and dibs shoulders and holds them close.
"Whos house are we going to? You can come to my house. I'll make us some cookies!
Do you like cookies zim?"

"Actually-" Zim tries to stop what he knows will turn into an endless one person conversation,
only to be ignored.

"Oh and I have a pool! We can have a sleepover. Would you like to Zim? I have a cat,
and a bird, and three fish, and-"

"Ok Keef! We will be there. Just give us some time to pack our stuff. We will be at your house around seven.
Now... uh.. hurry along and make us a bunch of those cookies!"
Dib lightly pushes Keef in the direction of the school buses.

"Ok then! Bye Guys! See you later!" Keef skips off happily.

*Sigh* Dib takes a deep breath and faces his little green partner, who was still in horror of the redheaded
boy who could probably kill him with the ongoing nonsense that just poured out if his mouth nonstop.

"I guess i'll go home and get some supplies for the project." Dib turns and starts to walk away.

"Zim did not agree to this grouping-ship. I do not need your large pathetic head of lettuce."

'lettuce?'
"It's teachers choice, Zim. I wouldn't have willingly chose you either."

"Then I will do it myself! Be gone with you now, filthy stink-beast!"
Zim shoos him away. Dib pauses for a moment before turning to face Zim again.

"You wouldn't want to....stand out..... now would you?" He smirks at the genius of his clever scheme.

*gasp*

"Exactly......We were assigned as a team and it would be 'abnormal' of you to do it alone." Dib puts his hands in his
pockets and twirls back around.
"Be at Keefs house at 7. We have alot of work to do."

Zim watched his enemy walk away until he was nothing but a dark blur in the distance.

'How can I be so calm about this. The foolish earthling expects me to work with that...
that... big headed.....what do they call them here......dumb ass....'

Zim puts his hands behind his back as he starts to walk home.

'And whats worse. I have no say in the matter. I can't escape from this one like I did last time.'

His memory flashed back to a group he was teamed up with in the previous year.
Images of his fellow pupils shot through his brain. There was three other partners.
All with strange devices on there heads that forced them to do the work, then say that Zim had done it all.

'I was almost caught though. Stupid step father of his. It's too much of a risk. I'll have to just
cooperate through this one. It'll give me a chance to better understand the social characteristics of
this pathetic race. Maybe I can devise some... horrible plan to.... make them...not...social....
no more.... and....... maybe they'll go insane and just kill themselves.'

He imagined every human on earth crying over there destroyed cell phones and computers,
taking guns to there head or offering themselves to Zim as a sacrifice in return for there Internet
and 'text messaging' devices. He grinned as he walked through his front door.